Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I am spending my child support on dildos
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
