nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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