Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
