There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
