Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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