Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
