yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
