I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
