our cab driver is having phone sex.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
