I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
