how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize