I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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