Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
