I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
