I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
