Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
