i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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