Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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