Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
