Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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