Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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