I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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