CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
