We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
