What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
