It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
