I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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