I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Is Oprah even human
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
