I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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