I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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