I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize