my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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