Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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