he shaved USA in his pubs
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize