i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
no you cant smoke seaweed
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
