I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
