She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
