he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize