I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
As shirtless as possible
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
