so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
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