Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Duck Duck Cougar?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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