I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
the day after is always just damage control
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
