I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
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