she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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