How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
