Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
