Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
