So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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