How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
