By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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