he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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