this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
