I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
