He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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