so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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