waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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