we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
