im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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