i would punch a child for taco bell
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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