my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
