There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Randomize
