if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
she smelled like a LAN party
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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