don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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